A Son is Born

I was born on my birthday.

My father waited with quiet joy for my arrival. He was certainly a veteran of this process, already having a large family by that time. Yet he still felt excited at the prospect of welcoming another child.

As my father heard me cry out for the first time, the sweet sounds brought deep joy to his heart.

“Lord, it’s time. It's time I made a decision about following you. I have thought about this for quite a while, and I’ve struggled too long to go it on my own. But I'm ready now – ready to go your way. I know I have failed you in so many ways, and that I can't straighten out the mess that I am on my own. So I am ready to yield to you as the boss of my life.”

“I believe that Jesus was who he said he was … your son who you sent to save me. Your son, who lived a perfect, sinless life and yet died on the horrible cross a death that I deserved to die. Your son, who died in my place, to pay the price for my sins and the sins of all who would ever believe in him. Your son who somehow rose from the dead, conquering death in the process, and thus made a way for all of us to return to you, our loving Father. Father, I am yours. Father, I will follow you as best I can for the rest of my life. Father, I love you. Amen.”

I was 31-years-old and yet I was just a spiritual infant. I had come to a fork in the road of faith – a turning point where I had to make a choice. One path was to turn away from God. I didn't want any part of that path. Another path, the one I chose, was that of following God – honestly seeing and yielding to who he really is. That was also the path of honestly seeing who I really am – a lost son of God who had painfully lived in separation from because of my choices and attitudes. He is the God who made me and loves me. I am a child of his – a created one who chronically falls short and loves myself more than others. But despite that, he is the God who rises above all our messes and extends grace to lost ones like me, welcoming us prodigals back if only we will turn toward him and believe in his son.

“I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again … For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:3 and 3:16 – Jesus, speaking to a man named Nicodemus as he stood at his own spiritual fork in the road.)

Two paths to choose from, but I had long avoided making a choice. In the years before I finally embraced God, I stubbornly tried to proceed along a third path – a path of pretending to follow God. I tried to be "in" but not "all in." In the end, this was really just a path of NOT following God. Sadly, this involved so much missed opportunity. That period of my life could have been one of loving and following God richly, getting to know him better and better, day-by-day, year-by-year. It could have been a time of overflowing God's love into the lives of others, helping them find and follow the path of really walking with God. But I guess I just wasn’t ready for any of that yet.

For years I went to church and went through the motions of faith, but in reality I was very far from God in my heart. While I worked hard to preserve a façade of being good, I quietly harbored a collection of sinful thoughts and ways and attitudes. It was like I had two minds – one that went my own way, and one that made small efforts to go God’s way. It is sad how we can be so self-deceived for so long.

Fortunately, like the father of a struggling child, God looked at my partial efforts to turn his way, added a heaping tablespoon of his grace, and patiently helped me gradually get to know him. In time, I eventually awakened to the need for my true surrender. And after that surrender, I found myself on a road of learning very, very slowly how to be real with God. In many ways, this is a journey that I am still on. Each story I write seems to be yet another step toward realness – and each year of life is a process of discovering how much God loves me and how faithfully he leads me through seasons of hardship and blessing that gradually bring me closer to his heart.

As I look back at the meandering footsteps of my journey, my heart smiles with joy as I recall that one evening when I clearly came to that fork in the road yet again, and by God’s grace I finally chose the path of surrender – the path of calling out to him for help. As my father heard me cry out like that for the first time, the sweet sounds brought deep joy to his heart. I am so thankful that God answered me that night, and welcomed me as one truly born into his family.

How curious that this happened on the night of my 31st birthday. So indeed it’s true … I was born on my birthday.

[scroll down for author’s reflections and some questions to ponder]